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Did you know if you Google Tastys Big Butt it shows up on the same page as Big Ass Porn?
Of Course you did!!
So I’m walking around meeting folks, and I saw this woman whom I have met several times before. She is lovely, and she had her newborn baby with her. I am gaga for babies, so I approached her, and giggled with the baby, making small talk. A few minutes into the conversation, to my surprise, the woman gently reached out and stroked my tummy. Her face lit up, she was glowing. With that, she asked when I was due. Immediately, several people turned to look at me.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “No…I’m not pregnant! I’m just fat! But thanks for that.”
Another woman to my left, who had turned when the mention of a pregnancy came up asked’ “you’re not pregnant?” This made me laugh harder, because, I am of course, mortified. The space then got awkward, and I walked back to my seat. “It’s the dress...” she called out to me as I walked away.
Well, it’s not the dress. It’s Girl Scout Cookies.
Girl Scout Cookies are the devil. Every March, little angelic looking girls dressed in prim uniforms descend upon my community. They are everywhere. At the market, at the post office, at Target, at the schools, at football games. You get it. You have seen them. Hair in ponytails, freshly scrubbed faces. When I walk by, they call out, “Would you like to buy some cookies?” At first, I resist. I smile, and nod, and mention that maybe on my way out I’ll pick up a box. While inside said establishment, the devil is tempting me. I am remembering my favorite cookies, the mint ones, and the coconut ones. Then I remember that I am dieting, but the little red guy on my shoulder reminds me that these cookies only come around once a year. I brush the devil off my shoulder, and refocus. I try to exit through another door, but they have that one set up too. The little girls call out again, and this time I walk by and say nothing, just trying to get to my car. I hear hissing behind me and I fear the devil is on my heels. I know it is really the mothers of the little girls talking about me, and trying to figure out who I am and where my kids go to school, so that they can have their revenge because I didn’t buy the $4.00 box of cookies.
After going through this scenario several times in one day, I start to break down. After all, these cookies do just come around one time a year. It will be a whole year before I see these again. My mouth waters as I think of the coconut cookies. What’s one box?
I will tell you what the problem is with one box. You can’t buy just one box. The cookies are everywhere. Temptation strikes me at every turn. Before I know it, I have justified 6 boxes of pure evil and sin.
So much for the no sugar rule. The devil got me and spun me around, adding back 2 of the pounds that I have worked so hard to take off.
Some people say that they buy a lot of boxes and put them in the freezer so that they can enjoy them a little every month. Not me. I eat one box in one sitting. I will not drag it out.
What’s the point? They are so delicious and they seem so innocent. They are little cookies. You can eat one whole cookie with just one bite. Add a little tea or coffee with them, and you have a meal.
So at the end of the day, I gain a little weight. Look a little pregnant. It doesn’t compare to the absolute joy I have when I taste that coconut cookie.
Posted by Tasty's Big Butt