Google it...if you dare.

Did you know if you Google Tastys Big Butt it shows up on the same page as Big Ass Porn?
Of Course you did!!


Everything Hurts.

Everything hurts.
It started innocently enough; Go rent some boots and skis, layer the clothes, hit the slopes. I mean, I had my hot pink outfit, and this was not my first time. I’ve been skiing since I was 5 years old.
So there I am, I got dressed first, and then got my little boy dressed. For those of you who know, getting a four year old dressed for winter is a sport in itself. My husband offers no help, as he is worse than a girl when he gets ready. So now I am sweaty and frustrated, and by the time we are walking out the door, my husband announces he has to go to the bathroom. So of course my son had to go to the bathroom too, and so we started the whole process over.
One hour later we have dropped the boy off at snow boarding school, and we are ready to go. We decided to start slow for a warm up and got to the chairlift. “What a nice ride”, I thought, “ Short, not too high, the weather is great.” By the time I was halfway down the slope I had to question my sanity. “What was I thinking? I don’t work out. I haven’t been skiing in years. I can’t remember what I had for breakfast…how can I expect my muscles to remember how to move? “
I will tell you this…by the time I got down the hill my legs were screaming at me, and I was debating on how to tell my husband that the money he had spent on my lift ticket was wasted. The good news is I was so busy trying to just make it down the hill without collapsing from exhaustion, or hurting myself really badly, that I had absolutely no time to look think about my big butt. That is, until my husband, (and from here on out I will just call him ‘better than me’ OR btm…to be explained later) took a picture of me. Holy crap.


The day after Christmas

I am contemplating eating a big bowl of popcorn. I am furious with one of my lifelong friends because she is unreliable and flaky, and it has made me very nervous that she may not come watch my dogs for me while I am gone on vacation.
Also, you should see my house. The last 6 weeks have exhausted and overwhelmed me. There has been a kitchen remodel, and a christmas party, and christmas, and teenagers going on vacation, and mountains of laundry and toys. And my dogs think the christmas tree was put there for them to pee on. My husband asked me, through much gagging and watery eyes, as he cleaned up after them, just how much longer I planned on keeping them. And now I am packing for another vacation for the whole family and instead of trying on my ski outfit from years ago, when my butt wasn't the size of the ocean, I just went out and got a new one. I was going for slimming black, but all they had in my size was hot pink. Shouldn't notice my ass in that.
Anyway, back to that popcorn. It has been a wonderland of food and fun this last 4 weeks. The 7 pounds I lost before Thanksgiving came back on with glee,and the next 7 came on just for laughs. So I am thinking, what's one bag of popcorn? Did I say bag or bowl? Who cares, anyway.
A couple of friends have called to announce delightfully how great their eating has been through the holidays. How light and free they feel because they are 'committing' what they are eating to each other. Yay!
Anyway, you don't know me yet. Here's to getting to know each other in the New Year.