Google it...if you dare.

Did you know if you Google Tastys Big Butt it shows up on the same page as Big Ass Porn?
Of Course you did!!


2 Cups of Coffee and A Bike

I got a new kind of coffee at the market yesterday. Because it was on sale. I don’t know the name of it, so don’t ask, and I am not going downstairs to find out. All you need to know is this; I drank it and this is what being on crack must feel like. Or maybe some other drug that makes you wired and shaky. Feel free to fill in this blank ______________________________ with whichever drug you feel appropriate. I love to drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning while I check stuff out on the web.
THIS coffee kicked in and now my hands are shaking and I’m irritable. Also, it feels like I want to go for a bike ride because I am super hyper right now, but I know better.
The last time I went for a bike ride, I was very impressed with myself. I had not been on a bike for a year. I got my iphone/ipod, put on my headphones, and donned BTM’s bike helmet, because I don’t have one. I should mention at this point that his helmet is too big for me but I wanted to be an example to other bikers. Because I’m like that. Always thinking of others.
I got on my bike, fully equipped for the ride. I was also wearing BTM’s bicycle shorts that had padding in them so my tender areas wouldn’t get bruised. I don’t have an arm strap for my phone, so I held it in my hand, and I brilliantly threaded the headphones through my shirt so they wouldn’t be dangling.
I set off out of my garage. There is a small hill from my house to the corner, only about 2 blocks to the T at the end of the street. For a few seconds I felt complete joy. YES! I missed this!
As luck would have it, my phone rang just as I was getting to the T and looking both ways for cars. I looked down to answer it, and as I did this, I somehow lost my balance. The bike wobbled, my too big helmet fell over my eyes and I went down.. Did I mention I was going DOWN a hill? I flew over the handle bars and did a little flip and landed on my back. My phone was in one direction and my bike in the other.
My very first thought was YOU’RE JOKING! My second thought was that the neighbors must be howling. Because you always have that neighbor that is looking out the window. (And I would be laughing wishing I had gotten it on video for you tube if it had been one of them) I stood up after gingerly assessing my injuries, straightened the helmet, picked up my phone, then the bike, and made the decision to keep riding anyway as my pride and ego were burning bright, and I would show that neighbor who was watching that I could not be shamed or denied my bike ride. I couldn’t get away fast enough. A few blocks away I stopped, got off the bike and sat on a little bench. I thought maybe if I sat there for an hour, my neighbors will have moved on to something else. Later I proudly rode my bike back home and put it in the garage and have not touched it since. Stupid bike.
Anyway. The point is, I am totally wired on 2 cups of morning joe, I won’t ride my bike and I won’t clean the house either. What’s the point of that? So the rest of the day is to be determined.


Anonymous said...

I have been missing your blog entries. When are you coming over to see us?

Matt Begley

gottago said...

1. Selfish self-centeredness is the root of our trouble:-)
2. Leave the f....... phone home during "your time" for goodness sake.

Thanks for the link Taye. Your site is hilarious.