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Did you know if you Google Tastys Big Butt it shows up on the same page as Big Ass Porn?
Of Course you did!!


A Little Something Sexy

My husband was flirting with me the other morning. He got a little frisky and suggested we knock it out on our new island counter top. With that, he started to lift me up in a sexy move that we often see in the movies, and ten years ago would not have been a problem for either one of us. I would just like to say at this point that my husband is a strapping man; he is not clumsy and he’s had a lot of experience. He could not, however lift me up. “Gah!” he exclaimed, and started laughing.
“You think it’s funny?” I ask, annoyed and amused all at once, making him laugh even harder. Needless to say, we did NOT ‘knock it out.’
To make matters worse, in his attempt to lift me, my ass hit the corner of the counter, producing a bruise that looks a little bit like Italy, but bigger. Since we wont be ‘knocking it out’ for at least two weeks after his little laughing stint, there is no need for me to ice it.
Sex is a little discussed topic in the fat world. I read all sorts of articles in women’s magazines about how to turn your man on, how to keep things spicy, how to achieve more from less. Whatever that means. But upon doing a Google search for sex when you are fat, I found only one somewhat scientific article. You can see it at These were some of the goodies from that article and I have CAPITALIZED the area I found most delightful:

When the woman is fat, Abraham Friedman recommends that she lie on her back, "her legs bent at the hips, her thighs open as wide as possible, and her knees fully bent, thus completely exposing her vulva and vagina." IF SHE HAS A BIG TUMMY, SHE CAN LIFT IT AWAY FROM HER PUBIC REGION WITH BOTH HANDS, at least until the man gets himself positioned between her thighs. If penetration is still difficult, it can help to put one or more pillows under her buttocks. "Considerable variety is available to you through the simple expediency of changing the position of your legs," writes Marvin Grosswirth. "If you use a pillow, your vagina becomes elevated and entry is easier. If you use two pillows, entry will not only be easy, it will be different. If you raise your legs to a certain height, the angle of penetration and the points of friction will be different than if you raise your legs to another height, or if you do not raise them at all. You would be amazed at the variations three inches up or down can create."

Note that it says BOTH hands. Now, I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a real mood killer to me. I imagine it goes like this… “honey, do want me to move the fat, or do you want to do it?” Is it part of foreplay, or is it just preparation?

I have personally found that face down ass up works the best. That way ‘if she has a fat tummy’ the fat is not seen. To keep the fat from flapping around down under while in this position, shove a pillow under your tummy. Make sure there is one candle lit in the furthest corner of the room. Wear a cover up on top, and get under the blankets. Then let all hell break loose. He is damn lucky to get anything is my attitude.

The good news is, BTM really does understand. He has recently just lost 45 pounds himself, and is very encouraging and understanding. I would just like to add at this point, you should have seen our escapades when we were both fat. Now that was something. There is no article out there that could have described that.


Anonymous said...

I love it - why, cause I can so relate! that whole "lifting the fat!" coupled by the sounds that happen. Ugh!

Anonymous said...

OH MY GAWD! I do well with the cover on top, close my eyes and pretends he doesn't see it....not that he cares.

akvirtue said...

I get it. I even get dressed away from a mirror so I don't have to see the rolls on my stomach.

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Quincy said...

You kill me. I am sitting in Mexico laughing out loud by the pool. People are staring. You are so funny.