I fell again today. My hair distracted me, and I tripped over a car seat that was in the middle of my driveway. Let me explain.
I am on day three of this lifestyle change. (not a diet) It occurs to me that I may be having some sort of sugar and carbohydrate withdrawal symptoms. Is it possible? According to studies done at Princeton University, there is such a thing. At least in Rats. So my symptoms include lack of ambition, lack of energy, and general disorientation and clumsiness. I find myself dropping almost everything, bumping into walls, and now, finally, the trip.
Let me backtrack a little bit. The little guy was sick last weekend. As we were on our way to the dog park he announced he was going to throw up. But if you have kids, you know that by the time they announce it they are already in the process of head turning exorcism. I've also noticed that they throw up 3 times their body weight. So home we went, and when we got there, I took out the child seat, setting it in the driveway to be hosed off. That was Sunday. It is now Wednesday, and I guess I keep hoping for the Vomit Fairy to come clean it up, because heaven forbid I should get the gagger (also known as btm) or my oldest son to clean it. So, there it has sat.
Well, this morning, as I am running out the door to get the little guy to school, my hair, which I left down, (I rarely leave it down) whipped around my face in the wind. I tossed my head back to get it out of my eyes, and when I did that, I felt my neck spasm. When my neck spasmed, I instantly and instinctively turned it in the opposite direction. All this in the blink of an eye, and all why I was still walking. So in the course of this, there was the car seat, and my toe caught it, and I propelled forward in a midair spin that I was sort of impressed by for a fleeting second. I laid there with my eyes closed for a moment before looking up to see the little guy standing over me in horrified silence. I tried to be reassuring when I called out to him "I'm okay, honey!" He refused to meet my eyes, but instead was looking at the amazing amount of 'stuff' that had flown out of my hands and purse. As I lay there, still not getting up, he silently walked around the car to get the can of soda that was still making its way down the driveway. I sat up and looked around at my neighbors’ windows to see if they had been witness to the incident. I was sure my across the street neighbor had seen me, as I know she is prone to standing in her upstairs window spying on the rest of us with her binoculars.
Cautiously I stood up and gimped around picking up my 'stuff.' I managed to walk around the car and help the little guy get in. He still had not said anything to me, but was instead casting long wary looks at me; I think inwardly hoping I would not cause any more embarrassing scenes.
I absolutely refused to dwell on the fall, and instead got busy thinking about how I would reward myself for surviving it. I decide the best option was to go get a pedicure. I called the nail salon, and they told me it would be half an hour. Since I was blowing off the gym one more day, (what’s one more day?) I congratulated myself for thinking how productive I would be in that half hour by going to get my car washed. I despise going to the car washes where you have to sit for an hour and do nothing but wait until the guys finish my car, so instead I decided to go to the do it yourself place. All was going fine until I had to use the bathroom. I really had to go and I hurried down the hallway of the service area only to discover that the girls’ bathroom was closed. I was running out of time. I needed the bathroom and I needed to be on time for my pedi. I looked over my shoulder and saw the mens bathroom. Hmmm. I know it can be a scary place. Did it have stalls, or just icky urinals? Was it clean? I didn't care anymore, and I pushed the door open and was relieved to see stalls with doors on them. I chose the bigger stall with the assist bar in it, as I was going to use the bar as a brace to hold myself up. I was not going to sit down, even with that tissue paper disposable 'sanitary-keep-a-barrier-between-my-ass-and-the-bacteria' thing. So as I squatted over the bowl, using the assist bar as a brace, I started going. Whew! Ok, are you ready for this? You know how men in bathrooms are less than sanitary? Well…I don’t know why these things happen to me, but the next thing I knew, my foot had slipped out from under me because there was a puddle of urine all around the bottom of the toilet and somehow I had overlooked it. My ass fell right down onto the rim that had God only knew what on it. EEEWWWW. I couldn’t jump up, because I was in midstream. I didn't want to push back up onto the bar, because my feet were now scrambling to get out of the puddle that I wish I had seen before I went...
Anyway, my theory is that I am having sugar withdrawal symptoms, thus the poor powers of observation, the lack of co-ordination, the shaking hands…At least I have someone to back me up on my theory.
Thank You Princeton University and your studies.