Going to Urine Cane Harbor and actually getting in the water takes a great deal of mind prep. I have to completely focus my mind on something other than the very real possibility of kids and old people who are most certainly peeing in the water.
Then there is the disturbing fact that I am actually in a bathing suit, which is a whole thing and another story. Because I was hoping my new bathing suit would make me look miraculously 20 POUNDS THINNER, but it doesn't. Sigh.
So I always put my focus on other people in these types of situations. Because that is the spiritual thing to do anyway.
Ok. We got there and found limited seating, which worked out after we were stealthy and found one chair that wasn't being used and moved it to our location, as well as moving some guys shoes that I am sure he was using to save seating but he was not smart enough to actually put them on the chair, but instead put them under the chair. And I say all is fair when Christmas shopping and getting seats by the pool.
We got set up like pros and then kicked back in those plastic beach chairs that leave lines on your butt, even when you put a towel down. Knowing that I would have lines on my ass didn't even phase me, because I knew that I already looked like a wet cow, and I had already taken the bold step of donning a bathing suit anyway. I'm not sweating the small stuff. Because I am brave.
And then, as I was getting ready to actually get up and walk towards the pool I saw this woman walk by. And she was a big girl. So what? I'm a big girl. Here's the thing thing. She wasn't young and she wasn't wearing a bathing suit. She was wearing a white t-shirt. And it was wet. And she had nipples the size of my palms.
So now I am STOKED, and I take this opportunity,(while everyone was staring at her) to slip into the pool.
And as I looked around I saw a plethora of FAIL. From too small suits to extreme sunburn, and everything else in between, I was soon totally relaxed and in full fun mode. Because it's not about me. Clearly.
6 comments:
I will not let me say refuse to go in the lazy river there. No way!
That's how I felt poolside in vegas with all the young chicks this weekend. Old Fat and not giving a rat's ass
Is that the butt that Sir Mixalot referencing when he was heard singing "I like big butts and I can not lie, You other brothers can't deny,
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist........"
The words "just say no to crack" has new meaning. Taye what I'm trying to figure out is, was this suit a thong before it started because it just doesn't seem to fit right. The other thing I'm trying to figure out is why have I looked at this more than once or even closely enough to figure out it doesn't fit right. It's like a bad accident where you slow down and stare at all of the distruction. What the hell is wrong with me.
I'm also sure that those boobs in the pool don't ride that high when they're out of the water. I'm picturing Nipple, Naval, Nipple..lol
That first lady has a naked camel-toe in the back! OMFG!
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