Mean Penis

It was 6:45 this morning. We were still sleeping and my phone buzzed. I rolled over and looked at the screen. Blocked caller. I never answer any calls from blocked callers, so I ignored it. Immediately, the caller called back. The following 3 minutes went like this:

BTM: Who is it?

Me: I don’t know. It’s a blocked call.

BTM: Well answer it! It could be about IKE. (Yes, maybe his eyes melted off from studying top secret stuff)

Me: Fine.
And so I answered.

Me: Hello?

And I couldn’t hear because someone was whispering.

Me: what?

BTM: Who is it?

Me: What?

BTM: Who is it?

Me: Shutup! I’m trying to hear! He’s whispering!

Me: Hello? I can’t hear you!

Blocked Caller: I want to show you my big penis.

Me: What? You want to show me your big penis? Hold on.

I handed the phone to BTM.

Me: It’s for you

BTM: Hello? (Because he is always polite) Do want to show me your big penis?

Me: giggling

I guess the guy hung up. And so then I went to Wikipedia and looked up big penis.

Apparently, a big penis is not uncommon for men and other primates, especially at certain times of the day, like the morning. And in comparison, men have bigger penises than gorillas. Results vary, because studies rely on self-measurement. (Of course) Wikipedia goes on to say that a mean penis, (yes I said mean) measures (5.1–5.9 in) in length. I would be mean too. So men with shorter penises must be furious!

In addition, there seems to be a correlation between foot size and penis size. So when blocked number calls me back, I’ll have to conduct my own study and ask him what size shoe he wears. of course, that might ruin his whole vibe.